UnSpace

Don't let the frustrations of the season
make you forget why you're celebrating.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
from Nancy and Rob

Professional stunt parrot. Do not attempt at home.

Gingerbread house by Nancy Carr
Photography by Rob Carr © 2007.

(click on picture for larger version)

Yeah, a skateboarding budgie doing a major Ollie!

I just found out that there was this big debate: Was Jesus crucified with 3 nails or 4 — or maybe 2? Which side of the chest was He stabbed in?

I've always believed it was 3 nails and the left side — hence the blood and water released from the stab wound. Belief might be too strong a word — try "assumed. That makes me a "triclavianist." Apparently that was declared a heresy by the Roman Catholic church.

Me, who thinks the argument about "angels on the head of a pin" is actually a legitimate question as to whether spiritual "substance" has boson-like or fermion-like properties, thinks that this whole "How many nails" bit is the result of people wasting time that could be better spent helping folks.

I passed the link to the story "Scientists Ask Congress to Fund $50 Billion Science Thing" to numerous friends and made an amazing discovery. Go check out the article and then read the rest of this post.

Read the rest of this entry »

At Cathasaigh's concert last night, she spoke of Rob Paravonian's "Pachelbel Rant." You should check out the YouTube video link I just gave — it's a scream. As a pianist, I don't have the problem cello players might have. In fact, I'm usually happy to have to play the same thing over and over again. It means I'm a lot less likely to screw up.

Of course, in some ways, Rob Parvaonian's rant is a sort of a variation on "Songs you can sing 'Amazing Grace' to." You know, like "Gilligan's Island." Seriously, try it. It works. Apparently me wandering around a church singing "Amazing Grace" to "Gilligan's Island" terrifies most ministers. The really weird thing is, I've done a haunting version of "Gilligan's Island's Amazing Grace" on the keyboard, making it about halfway through the song before anyone realized what I was up to.

A lot of music has the same number of measures, so it's quite common to be able to do one song to the tune of another. Pachabel's got a four-chord sequence that, because it can have a descending bass line, is rather common.

Years ago, there was an Analog story about limiting copyrights because there is a limited number of songs. I don't know if the writers of "Yes, We Have No Bananas" were really sued for copyright infringement on the "Hallelujah Chorus" by Handel's descendants, but the possible urban legend does make the point.

I've been playing around with a radio-controlled helicopter at church. Have I mentioned I've got a great job? I'm tempted to do a digital recording of Adagio for Strings and include helicopter noises in the background. Samuel Barber's "Adagio for Strings" is the song you hear several times, including the end, of Platoon.

Somehow, this Diversity Matters logo…well, let's just see what you think:

Dr. Pepperberg relates this experience:

There are some things that the birds do that, colloquially speaking, "just blow us away." We were training Alex to sound out phonemes, not because we want him to read as humans do, but we want to see if he understands that his labels are made up of sounds that can be combined in different ways to make up new words; that is, to demonstrate evidence for segmentation. He babbles at dusk, producing strings like "green, cheen, bean, keen", so we have some evidence for this behavior, but we need more solid data.

Thus we are trying to get him to sound out refrigerator letters, the same way one would train children on phonics. We were doing demos at the Media Lab for our corporate sponsors; we had a very small amount of time scheduled and the visitors wanted to see Alex work. So we put a number of differently colored letters on the tray that we use, put the tray in front of Alex, and asked, "Alex, what sound is blue?" He answers, "Ssss." It was an "s", so we say "Good birdie" and he replies, "Want a nut."

Well, I don't want him sitting there using our limited amount of time to eat a nut, so I tell him to wait, and I ask, "What sound is green?" Alex answers,"Ssshh." He's right, it's "sh," and we go through the routine again: "Good parrot." "Want a nut." "Alex, wait. What sound is orange?" "ch." "Good bird!""Want a nut." We're going on and on and Alex is clearly getting more and more frustrated. He finally gets very slitty-eyed and he looks at me and states, "Want a nut. Nnn, uh, tuh."

Not only could you imagine him thinking, "Hey, stupid, do I have to spell it for you?" but the point was that he had leaped over where we were and had begun sounding out the letters of the words for us. This was in a sense his way of saying to us, "I know where you're headed! Let's get on with it," which gave us the feeling that we were on the right track with what we were doing.

These kinds of things don't happen in the lab on a daily basis, but when they do, they make you realize there's a lot more going on inside these little walnut-sized brains than you might at first imagine.

Nancy and I went to the Cinemark 18 at Pittsburgh Mills in Tarentum to see The Simpsons Movie.

I liked The Simpsons Movie better than Spider-Man 3. I liked it better than Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. I haven't seen the latest Harry Potter movie yet, but I have no doubt The Simpsons Movie is better.

Beginning with the Itchy and Scratchy Movie, which caused Homer to ask "Why would anyone pay to see something they can see for free on TV?" the audience was laughing out loud. As Bart skateboards through Springfield naked, there was one point where the audience simply (Simpsonly?) lost it: when you see the movie, you'll know exactly where I am talking about!

We've enjoyed The Simpsons since they were on Tracy Ullman's show. Yes, we have recited large sections of episodes at family get-togethers (I usually take the part of the most sympathetically-portrayed Christian on TV, Ned Flanders). But we've also missed episodes. We're not fanatical about this cartoon show.

This movie might well change that.

I don't know how The Simpsons Movie will hold up with repeated viewings. Will this become one of those must-see movies that our extended family will watch and recite lines with every time it's on cable, like "Airplane!" and "Young Frankenstein" and "Blazing Saddles"? I'm not sure, but I think it will be.

I don't remember ever laughing this hard during those movies. Yeah, The Simpsons Movie is that good, and not just because Ned Flanders had a big part.

I only have one complaint about the movie: I wish they'd had Collin voiced by Bono. I'm even willing to ignore the huge, glaring mistake in physics upon which the movie hinges. Lisa should have known better.

The movie was that good. Go see it.

And now, me, if I were a character in The Simpsons Movie:

I found a parrot joke online — half in English and half in what seems to be Hindi:

A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks …. 'Aam hai kya?'
The shopkeeper says … 'Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bechate.'
Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him …'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets a little irritated and says… 'Aare Bola na, Hum 'Aam nahi Bechate'
On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him 'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets wild and yells …'Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to hathoda marunga sar ke upar'
The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..'hathoda hai kya ?'
The shopkeeper says … 'Nahi'
The parrot then asks … 'Aam hai kya ?'

After a bit of searching, I found out that "aam" is "mango" and "hathoda" is "hammer." Looking at the structure of the joke, I'm fairly sure this translation gives the gist of the joke:

A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks "Do you have any mangoes?"
The shopkeeper says "No. I never have mangoes here."
Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him "Do you have any mangoes?"
He gets a little irritated and says "I told you, I never have mangoes here."
On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him "Do you have any mangoes?"
He gets wild and yells "No I don't. If you ask me again, I'll hit you with a hammer!"
The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him "Do you have any hammers?"
The shopkeeper says "No."
The parrot then asks "Do you have any mangoes?"

This joke's funny, especially on a day where Cirrus has asked "What does that birdie want?" about 20 times. I still can't get her to say the word "nut." Sigh.

The International Space Station computers crashed, and so far the Russian experts have been unable to successfully restart them. The leading theory is that the new solar panels are emitting a magnetic field that's messing with the computers. On the other hand, who knows what porn sites were being surfed and what computer viruses were picked up along the way? The computers control, among other things, station orientation in space and oxygen generation. If the computers are not fixed, the space station eventually might need to be abandoned.

How do you say "Blue Screen of Death" in Russian? Are they using Microsoft Windows?

I've got a million of them. I'll be here all week, try the veal.

Update: I wonder how close this is:

Синий экран смерти

Update 2: I just searched on the above Russian phrase. Apparently that's exactly it. Then again, should I be surprised Google knew exactly what it was in Russian — and probably any other language?

Based on advanced X-ray exams, scientists now know the arrow that is still imbedded in Ötzi nicked an artery, causing Ötzi to bleed internally to death almost immediately after he was shot. Scientists suspect another hunter, but no one is currently listed as a "Iceperson of Interest."One clue to the murderer: in his stomach, Ötzi had venison and ibex. Speculation is that Ötzi got someone's goat, and they got Ötzi in revenge.

By pardoning Libby, Bush will come closer to reaching one of his administration's chief goals: placing the President and his people above the law.

Just in time for President Hillary Clinton.

Cassie Conley, NASA's Planetary Protection Officer, says that humans will cause problems on Mars:

So when humans are going to go to Mars – not before, but when humans are going to go to Mars – we will allow small local regions, carefully selected regions of Mars to become somewhat contaminated with associated human commensal organisms, and organisms required for food growth. We know that it’s impossible to sterilize a human and still have the human be alive, given that humans are obligately required to have commensal organisms. It would kind of defeat the purpose to send a dead human to Mars.

I think the solution is obvious: send zombies to Mars! I'm surprised Dr. Conley didn't think of it. Zombies are already dead, so you don't have to worry about the commensal organisms. Zombies could explore all of Mars and, since they're dead, not contaminate anything once they're sterilized. Sterilization has another advantage: the zombies won't rot, so they'll last a lot longer.

How long the zombies last is the only problem I can think of. The faster we can get the zombies to Mars, the more work we get out of them before they fall apart. There's no way we're getting as many extended missions with zombies as we did with the Spirit and Opportunity rovers.

Keeping the zombies fed is simple. Freezers that automatically warms and dispense cow brains when the zombie performs the assigned tasks will be all that's needed to keep the zombies going.

Of course, only zombies resulting from curses or ill-conceived pacts with sinister forces can be used. Diseases that cause zombie formation might contaminate the Martian environment. As an added advantage, zombie masters can see through the zombies' eyes and control the zombies without the need for expensive radio equipment. The communication is instantaneous, eliminating the time lag problem.

Zombies offer many advantages over humans, anyway. First, if the spacecraft blows up or fails somehow, no one will particularly get upset about the zombies, especially since they were already dead. It's not like there's a shortage of zombies: people are killing them left and right without putting them to any good use like space exploration. Because they're dead, zombies suffer far less from radiation, a major problem in getting living humans to Mars. It's not like the zombies can get cancer or will become unable to have children because of the radiation. As the zombies break down and parts fall off, we'll all be sad, in the same way we're all sad for the Spirit rover, dragging it's broken wheel as it drives backward. Who knows, though? Perhaps important scientific discoveries will be made by damaged zombies, as was recently made by the Spirit rover when the broken wheel uncovered water-formed silica.

In the past years, zombies have become more intelligent and agile. The lumbering zombies from the 1950s, when our tame Nazis was trying to beat the Soviet's tame Nazis to space, would never function as space explorers. But as the latest movies have shown, modern zombies retain far more of their intelligence now, and can run at amazing speed. No, they won't ever be as smart as a Ph.D. trained in the planetary sciences, but zombies don't go chasing after their ex-lover's current girlfriend while wearing diapers. Yes, the zombies do try to eat non-zombie humans brains and spread their zombie-ness, but that's still far less troubling than using Nazis to jump-start your space program.

The next time you're attacked by zombies, don't slaughter them indiscriminately. Capture a few for the space program.

That's one small, badly coordinated step for a zombie, one giant leap for mankind.

(Y'know, that does bring up one problem, not technically significant, but emotionally so. The first words spoken on Mars will be "Brains!" Somehow, that's a little disappointing. On the other hand, 40 years after those first famous words on Mars, historians won't be arguing over whether the quote was screwed up…)

Potholes have long been a problem in Pennsylvania, but thanks to new research on army ants, that problem may be coming to an end:

Remarkably, some ants use their bodies to plug potholes in the trail leading back to the nest, making a flatter surface so that prey can be delivered to the developing young at maximum speed.

One would hope that PennDot would realize this means patching potholes should be a higher priority. Unfortunately, there is the possibility that PennDot might take the study more literally, using passengers, drivers, and even entire vehicles to plug potholes. Pennsylvania motorists are eagerly awaiting PennDot's decision in this matter.

MSNBC/Newsweek has an interview with the reclusive Berkley Breathed, creator of the comic strips Bloom County, Outland, and Opus. The interview itself is a great read, but I simply had to post this one little answer. Yes, it's a bit beyond the "2 sentences" of fair use, but it's such genius, I believe this is an understandable exception. Breathed is commenting on what he believes politically. Breathed is asked if he is without political affiliation:

No, me and a few other desperately cold pragmatists are the founders of The Meadow Party. Remember that one? That's one where you don't support silly things not because they conflict with political ideology, religion or philosophy, but because they sound silly. Invading a Muslim country, blowing it up and assuming we could leave in a few months with it looking like Vermont was silly. Cartoon silly. Opus silly. Worse, Bill the Cat silly.

Yeah. Bill-the-Cat silly. Says it all, doesn't it?

How would you caption this photograph of a baby squirrel?

From fall to spring, I wear a beard, but for various reasons today, I shaved early. I decided to practice bass, too.